Haiku # 1

26
autumn rain --
mother turns her face
to the wall


by Roberta Beary


Haiku # 2 (3 haiku got 5 points in total)


5.
wet sand
an abandoned boat
in the galaxy

by Ernst J Berry



7.
Let's stop this earthly talk!
over the frosty canal
a swan is taking off

by Gilles Fabre


and


18.
ancient crater
deep in the desert
—the rising moon

by Kim Richardson


Haiku #9, 14, 15, 16 and 20 below all got 3 points in total.


9.
flowers blooming
in next door's garden
the voices of children



14.
every day
more and more light
through the forest


15.
aids victim
a stick insect
on his headstone


16.
this second wineglass
still the only one
on the table


20.
toasting onions,
and eating them;
a November night



COMMENTS
 

ancient crater
deep in the desert
—the rising moon

This is a haiku that stays with you! The imagery is simple, with the earth-bound crater suggesting its mirror image on the moon.

The vertical axis is very strong, both physical (deep vs. rising, earth vs. sky), and cosmic: desert-scape vs. the galaxy.
It’s a poem of contrasts; elemental, yet accessible

As someone trained as a geologist, I’m also thinking about the rock types: sandstone vs. moonrock, gold vs. silver, day vs. night. Yin and yang, even!
This in turn reminds me of the line at the end of the Yeats poem, “Song for Wandering Aengus”: “golden apples of the sun, silver apples of the moon”.

 

autumn rain --
mother turns her face
to the wall

I love the two images saying the same thing aspect of this poem.
Autumn: the turning away from the bright warmth of Summer and the old lady's turning to the wall resigned
to the inevitable change happening in all things. clearly,simply said.



Let's stop this earthly talk!
over the frosty canal
a swan is taking off


With a little judicious pruning, this could be a classic...  meanwhile we can enjoy its intent and encourage its author............. 1st line could be: "stop the talk"



wet sand
an abandoned boat
in the galaxy

With very few words, the reader goes from earth to sea to sky and beyond.
Although it may look "sentimental", it actually reminds us that we are part of the world and a small quark in the universe.

There is some "sabi" too, and the start of a story.




4   REVIEWS


1
every day
more and more light
through the forest

I firstly want to say that I like this haiku, and don’t think it’s very far from being an effective one.
The image of light through the forest is a simple and appealing one; also one to which many people can relate.
However, the problem I have with it is that it doesn’t capture one single moment in time, which I believe is the essence of haiku.

“every day” in line one is too much of a continuum for this haiku to work for me.
I have a similar problem with “more and more light” in line two: it also describes a passage of time rather than one single moment.
May I humbly suggest an alternative? “today (or this morning)/ a little more light / through the forest”.
Take it or leave it!


2
this second wineglass
still the only one
on the table

The sleight of hand here: one is forced to ponder, the missing person is not mentioned in the poem: nice.



3
flowers blooming
in next door's garden
the voices of children

Goody - but for tautological 'flowers bloomig'




4
My review or comments will actually target the 3 haiku below:


sunny landscape
painted
bricked-up doorway


Rosehips wrinkled
Leaves amber
Autumn dusk


Mozart Aria
Cleaning the kitchen
A delight


The common point of these 3 haiku is that they contain a moment, have some information that could lead to a haiku but the moment/impact is somehow lost
(or lacks of dimension) mainly - I think - because of the loose (or absent) link/connection between each element/line.

It is important to "put" a tangible connection (that may be through words, punctuation, grammar...)
otherwise some haiku run the risk of "looking like  a list/listing".
The last element is not brought forward in a manner that releases the "chute" (ahness) and the haiku soemhow falls/ends flat.