TEMPLATE

winter hives
tiny hearts
in the darkness

Winter hives suggests a collectivity; the next line tiny hearts conveys a very visual image of individuality in contrast to the hive;
and in the darkness something about the intuitive,unseen workings of nature which i like.

Although I like some of the imagery in this poem, it doesn’t quite work for me. Why not?
Well, I think the main reason is that the writer is *telling* me what the hives are to him or her, rather than suggesting it.
They are hearts, and that’s that. I feel like there’s no room for me to creep into the haiku with my own imagination, a bit of a disappointment.
I’m also a little confused by hives: I presume they’re beehives, but a hive can also be a skin complaint, no?
I can imagine how beehives on a dark winter night must be quite suggestive, but don’t feel transported there.

Winter hives suggests a collectivity; the next line tiny hearts conveys a very visual image of individuality in contrast to the hive;
and in the darkness something about the intuitive,unseen workings of nature which i like.

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waxing moon
flying across the waterfall
- lone magpie

The imagery is beautiful.The black and white of bird is striking.I could picture clearly what the writer saw.

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wet garden
one puppy
brings it in

clear succcinct image raising a smile immediately without further comment required one has the whole scene encapsulated there.

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firemen
in a huddle
lighting up

I love this haiku! It presents a terribly simple image, one that’s quite obvious yet subtle at the same time, one that endures.
Although it’s clearly not derivative, it reminds me of another haiku that I came across just a few days ago on the Frogpond website, written by Lenard D. Moore: late summer / black men spreading tar / on the side road. A happy coincidence of images that resonate: black with black, fire with fire.
A lucky poet to have seen that, and a clever poet to have captured it so well! I like the use of the word “huddle”: it suggests cold or windy weather,
also a sense of camaraderie or even conspiracy between the men, almost a sporting move like a scrum in a rugby match.

I liked the contrast of the firemen[putting out fires] in a huddle lighting up.

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sheltered by razorgrass
it manages to root
a new potato
This is my favourite because of its contemplative character. It is also unassuming but shows empathy/concern and a relation with a simple natural situation.
Negative (razorgrass) impression balanced out by the outcome the poet has spotted.
It also puts the poet (human presence) totally out of the context/situation which is a proof/symbol of humility, one, as far as I'm concerned,
of the most important qualities/values in haiku.

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after sun shower
raindrops on leaves
turn to diamonds

This haiku highlights the usual danger (and for some taboo) in using a metaphor/comparison in a haiku.
Although for some it is forbidden, I think it sometimes works very well when the metaphor is related to the observation
and based on reality/concrete element.

But in this case, I feel it fails - not by much though. Is it because there is almost a redundant element (raindrops/shower)?
Would it work if the following direction was explored?

After the shower
leaves
turn to diamonds

or

After this shower
instead of leaves
I see diamonds

Maybe, maybe not...

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deserted street
the evening wind
doing wheelies

I like this one, but the image of the wind wheelying up a street of an evening, to me, implies that it is deserted, that the road is clear to be wheelied up.
Maybe 'Dublin street', 'city street' or an actual street name as an alternative...?

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crows play
at chasing each other
...no reason

This gave me a 'haiku moment'. My attention was brought back to the present moment by the kire and last line.
It does what, to me, haiku are meant to do: wake you up like a slap in the head from a Zen master!

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poppy seeds
on the pale chopping-board
- period pains

I liked this one because of the image of the poppy seeds, the pale cutting board connecting to the pains of the woman- the connection of seemingly unconnected things works, surprises....and the way that women go on with their work, period pains just another aspect of their domestic lives.

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